How dare we

I haven't an epiphany in a while. An old friend used to remind me that I shouldn't take them, because they are bad for your heart.

I write this evening, sitting on my couch feeling stupid. I feel stupid because I moped and have been melancholy for some time now. Ive taken this out on the easiest of targets, past acquaintances, my slightly useless housemate and myself.

On New Years Eve I was glassed and ended up with stitches and two broken teeth. Wounds heal even if they scar but it was the reaction of some people that really stung. Friends who told me I was in the wrong for involving the Gardaí, friends who didn't care and the strangers on the street that look at you a little differently when you are almost two metres tall and look like a thug because some muppet smashed a glass in your face.

Cuts are healing now, and my teeth have been fixed. Prognosis is 50-50 on permanent scarring. I have no delusions that I was pretty, but facial scarring isn't cool.

So I have felt sorry for myself, made excuses. Tonight that ends. This is the simplest and most complicated epiphany. Ne'er more can I expect leniency, I should demand more of myself professionally, personally and emotionally.

My generation (social as well as in age) is one that has ill defined parameters. We have no great struggle, no great war, no real social movement other than communication and opinion. Dis-illusion and apathy are rife and cynicism is not only acceptable but fashionable and near mandatory. How dare we assume that excellence is not to be demanded, why should we make do? I want to snap out of the rut. I am by most measures on the track to success and I am in the mood to steer that track in a decidedly upward direction. This evening has given me a sense of clarity I have missed in the past few weeks.

The jigsaw is getting bigger, I am missing one particular piece I lost a while ago but the picture becomes clearer day by day.

Every so often things seem grim. Ignore the sentimentality and make a comparison with whats bothering you. http://tinyurl.com/yf3z9xe #finishstrong




'I got home at last and crawled into bed next to my girlfriend. I told her I'd had an epiphany that night [about using stencils] and she told me to stop taking that drug 'cos it's bad for your heart.'

"Wall and Piece" Banksy