A little while later, 4 things happened.

A week from hell in work, with respite still some time coming.
Some weird revelations on what people think I said.
An old "adversary" (for want of a better phrase) whose cocksure attitude led to him walking directly at me on Friday and trying to knock me with his shoulder. (bless, he is rather stupid, but everyone loves a tryhard tough guy).
A realisation that with the very last shred of something in common cut, one can only hope that a person is big enough, or the world small enough to facilitate a conversation some day.



Simultaneously too old and too young for this.

Listening to this.

At reason for sleeplessness.

I'm 23.

Sometimes I feel a lot older than that, having (in my opinion) amassed quite a few life experiences along the (apparently short) way.

On Friday I got the scariest news of my life. It is something I cannot control, it is something I cannot fight. It is something I do not myself directly face. I think it is this helplessness that terrifies me more.

I have had drunk posts, sad posts, reflective posts and ambitious posts here. I'm not sure where this fits in except that I am not drunk. Over the coming days and weeks as the news gets clearer I can only hope that it gets better as well, but I am so very scared.


On Friday morning I spent time worrying about work stuff, retail margins and bonuses.
Now tonight, I feel very grown up, having reached the point where roles may reverse with someone who cared for you, and at the same time feel like a terrified child in the same instant.